Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
