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he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
