Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
