so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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