New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
