It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
