So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
