who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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