Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
