So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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