is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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