JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I need water and some morals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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