I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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