not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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