I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
