I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
