Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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