1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
