dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
