you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well you can't waste a boner
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
