i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
how drunk are you?
Several
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
