in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
