Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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