OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
