i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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