He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
