The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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