I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
