My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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