Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
