you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
