just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
