idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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