1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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