My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
