it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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