i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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