you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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