I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
