You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
