I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
