I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
