FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
