u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
