grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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