Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
