Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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