im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
porn star boner night. come get it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
