thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
