You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
