bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
