the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
