well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
