Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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