Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
