He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
