After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
