is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wear drunk well.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
