So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
