Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
