We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
