A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
