Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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