i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
