its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
