Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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