I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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