ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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