literally had 100 drinks last night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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