my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
