Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
