know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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