Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
