And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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