Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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