Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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