we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
