Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
