you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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